An Odd Misunderstanding Between Consenting Adults
Dear Friend,
It has taken time for me to be able to accept an idea which you believe without doubt: that I asserted a willingness to “pull off my penis, rather than be with you,” I think that is very close to your wording of a scary and odd accusation.
If a part of my mind could form those words, or relay that meaning, then it would mean I do not know who I am or what I am saying. Was I in a fugue state? Was I misunderstood? Perhaps my habit of exaggeration, hyperbole, for the benefit of humor took over in the heat of an argument…about wanting to have just general not even specific fun with you; an odd argument to be having at all, and a challenging diversion of my attention at the time as I was attempting to drive safety down the ramp to merge onto a fast busy five-lane highway in a major mid-western city in a truck that was not mine and in a city I barely know. I am not making excuses. I defer to your memory, since my memory on this topic bafflingly lacks the ability to recall even the remotest resemblance of this type of proclamation.
It is so frighteningly not like me to want to spite someone by hurting myself. I can unequivocally state a robust and simple, “HELL NO!” In my wildest dreams, under the influence of the most mind-numbing substances, under any circumstances, the option would NEVER occur to me. In fact, the opposite is truer to my character. I might want to get up tightly and fiercely in the face of a person who has been unreasonably mean to me and strive energetically to extract a Shakespearian ‘pound of flesh.’ Oh yes, in my younger days I would use the words of Hamlet to describe my passionate desire to ‘drink hot blood.’ Of course, and be assured, not MY hot blood. Be at ease, it is a blessing that the man of those passions is lost to age, reduced vigor, and after many mistakes, is more firmly ensconced in wisdom.
You, yourself, have often noted that I love my ‘manhood.’ Indeed I hold it in such high regard, so to speak, that I strive to share it hopefully and appropriately with willing and appreciative others. My Dear, pulling off my manhood to spite another? No person is worth that sacrifice.
Aliens are never depicted as having genitalia. They are more likely to have come up with that kind of idea. I have not been abducted recently, to my knowledge. Of course this whole incident makes my memory suspect, so we can have doubts.
In your case, my bumbling energies are directed toward getting you to have fun. You, far too often describe your life in scenes of dark clouds without the hint of a silver lining. Supporting you in a good mood and then occasionally getting you into a bed for our mutual benefit seems like fun to me, but what do I know? There is that whole other part of me with a seeming mind of its own, a traditional stereotype, yes, but none the less containing a vigorous kernel of truth. Does it seem a bit counterproductive for me to damage a device I would find pleasure using while at the same time pissing-off the woman I would enjoy sharing that device and that pleasure with? Stranger things have happened. I make no excuse for being a normal healthy male who along with his natural proclivities, without a doubt, likes women as human beings.
Out of respect for you, I must accept your statement as your truth, and bear the consequences of your deeper dissatisfactions, as unfair to me as they seem. I can only assert that in my mind and heart there is not one grain of validity in your truth. None. So once again, the utter and complete opposite was at the core of the discussion I had started. We have known each other for nearly ten years so getting away with you, having fun with you, and should I be lucky and you willing, sharing my desire with you, seems good.
I support your right to hold on to your perception. Although it is a horrid scenario to remember, I am forced to consider a claim that one of us has, in truth, and for lack of a better explanation, been the victim of some form of alien possession.
In my case, I would run with determination and swiftly from a woman who said she wanted to rip out her most sensitive parts rather than be with me. I would appreciate the colorful drama of her passion, since indifference, not hate, and certainly not self-mutilation, is the true opposite of love. Still, with your sentiment in mind, it seems prudent for me to take your notion mentioned as a clear indication that I would not be getting ‘lucky’ any time soon, and that we both have feelings we might want to take off the…chopping block to hang-up and to air-out in a warm breeze of safe, friendly, open communication?
Cheers,